|
|
Jokes
You Can't Take It With You
There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved
because he had worked so hard for his money and wanted to be able to
take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able
to take some of his wealth with him. An angel heard his plea and
appeared to him.
"Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."
The man begged the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the
rules. The man continued to pray that his wealth could follow him.
The angel reappeared and informed the man that God had decided to allow
him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathered his
largest suitcase and filled it with pure gold bars and placed it beside
his bed. Soon afterward, he died and showed up at the gates of heaven
to greet St. Peter.
St. Peter, seeing the suitcase, said, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"
The man explained to St. Peter that he had permission and asked him to verify his story with the Lord.
Sure enough, St. Peter checked it out, came back and said, "You're
right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its
contents before letting it through."
St. Peter opened the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man
found too precious to leave behind and exclaimed, "You brought
pavement?
Experience is a wonderful thing.
It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Unknown
The Christian Barber
There was a barber that thought that he should share his faith with his customers more than he had
been doing lately. So the next morning when the sun came up and the
barber got up out of bed he said, "Today I am going to witness to the
first man that walks through my door."
Soon after he opened his shop the first man came in and said, "I want a shave!" The barber said,
"Sure, just sit in the seat and I'll be with you in a moment." The
barber went in the back and prayed a quick desperate prayer saying,
"God, the first customer came in and I'm going to witness to him.
So give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say to him. Amen."
Then quickly the barber came out with his razor knife in one hand and a Bible in the other while saying
"Good morning sir. I have a question for you... Are you ready to die?"
Author is Unknown
A Sure Cure
Three Pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner.
One said "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with
bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything--noise,
spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away.
Another said "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the narthex attic.
I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away."
The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church...
Haven't seen one back since!!!"
Author is Unknown
Letters To God
Dear God,
So far today, I've done OK, I haven't gossiped, or lost my temper.
I haven't been greedy, crabby, mean, nasty, selfish, bitchy or overindulgent.
And I'm grateful for that.
But dear God, in a few minutes I'm gonna get out of bed, and then I'm probably
gonna need a lot more help.
Amen.
Dear God,
In Sunday School they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? - Jane
Dear God,
I think about You sometimes even when I'm not praying. - Elliot
Dear God,
I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday.
That was cool! - Eugene
Dear God,
Are you really invisible or is that a trick? - Lucy
Dear God,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? - Norma
Dear God,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones
You have now? - Cindy
Dear God,
Who draws the lines around countries? - Nan
Dear God,
The bad people laughed at Noah - "You made an ark on dry land you fool".
But he was smart, he stuck with You. That's what I would do. - Edward
Dear God,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? - Neil
Dear God,
Thank You for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. - Joyce
Dear God,
Why is Sunday School on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest. - Tom
A Special Find
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the
old pages as he turned them.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely.
It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered: "I think it's Adam's suit!"
Author is Unknown
|
